Cathi

On October 12, 2020 I had a three level ACDF (Anterior, Cervical Discectomy and Fusion).

The pandemic was at the point where surgeries were being allowed, but hospitals still had strict rules about who (if anyone) was allowed to enter the facility. At the facility where my surgery took place, no one was allowed to come in with me for any of the pre-op things. I was told that after my surgery I could have one person who would be my designated person to enter the hospital. I did get the hospital to relent so that I could have two people (but just one at a time). Also, no overnight visitors would be allowed. This experience was clearly not going to be like any hospital experience I had ever been a part of. In our family, we believe that a loved one should never ever be alone in a medical facility. We strongly believe that a patient should have an advocate on hand at all times.

That wasn’t going to be the case for me.

To say that I was anxious would be a monumental understatement. When people would ask me how I was feeling about the surgery, the word I would say back to them is that I was RESOLUTE. To me, that word meant that I would do what I had to do. There was no way through it but through it, and I would get through it.

The morning of the surgery (which took place in Houston, so we were in a hotel near the hospital) I left our room to go walk and pray as I anticipated what would be happening that day. As I was walking, I was asking God to go with me as I entered the hospital alone, as I interfaced with all of the medical personnel alone before my surgery. I lifted up everything about the surgery and the following days and weeks.

As I prayed, the verse in Psalms 139 came to mind, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me…….”

God spoke into my heart, “You know, Cathi. They can’t keep me out of the hospital. I’ll be with you the entire time.”

I pulled out my phone and found the chapter and read the entire passage. It continues: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be…….. When I am awake I am still with you….. Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

I continued to walk…and pray…and read. I felt like God was speaking directly to my heart through this passage. He was letting me know that he knit my body together to start with and that he would be right there in the operating room with Dr. Cyr as he took it apart and knit it back together. All the days ordained for me were written in His book before one of them came to be. Even this one.

As I walked and prayed, I knew God was searching my anxious thoughts. They were certainly there on display.

I continued to walk, pray, cry and read. I walked up to a small shop right across the street from the hotel where we were staying. The hotel was in a lovely pedestrian shopping area. It was early in the morning, so it wasn’t open yet but it was a t-shirt shop. My eyes were drawn to a t-shirt inside that said “Fearfully and wonderfully made”. I couldn’t believe it. The very passage God was speaking to me through, He put a t-shirt on display to further underline His message to me. On top of that, as I got closer to the shop, I noticed that the name of the shop was “139 Made”. The entire company name had to do with the passage I was walking around reading over and over.

I lost it.

At this point there were tears and snot running down my face. I felt so seen and so loved and so protected by God. With everything He has to do to keep the world running, He saw fit to see me and make Himself known and comfort me that morning.

I can testify that He did indeed enter that hospital with me that day. He came in, He stayed, He walked with me through that day and every day since.

During the Covid pandemic, I was sheltering in place with my husband, my two grown children and our three dogs. (Not to mention my 18 chickens and 80,000 bees.) I was certainly never lonely. Stressed out. Upset. But never lonely.

That wasn’t the case everywhere though.

I have a long time friend (Michael) who lives alone in New York City where they initially had a harder time with corona than we did here in Texas. He very much was wanting a small dog with whom to shelter in place, but there were simply none to be found. After he had posted a couple of times I suggested that perhaps if he found a dog in Texas, I could arrange to have it shipped to him in New York. So, he reached out to a couple of rescues and applied to adopt dogs. If you’ve ever worked with a rescue, you know what a frustrating and sometimes fruitless endeavor this can be.

A while later I remembered that one of my sweet travel advisors that I work with has a brother who works at a local city animal shelter. I asked that he keep an eye out for a dog that would stay small when full grown. A couple of days later I got the call. They had a Chihuahua / Dachshund mix that had just gotten transferred from another shelter. I texted photos of the dog and Michael said “That’s the one”.

So, I immediately drove to the shelter and adopted Tex. He hadn’t been neutered yet, and didn’t have his rabies shot. If I had left him there, they would have done both at no cost to us. But, if I left him there I couldn’t reserve him and assure that no one else would adopt him. So Tex came home with us.

I mentioned before that we have three dogs. Two of them are Golden Retrievers and one is a Boxer mix. These are larger dogs. Tex met them one by one and did beautifully. He was immediately one of the pack, all five pounds of him. He was a delight to have around.

I signed an agreement when I adopted him that said I would have him neutered and fully vaccinated within a certain period of time. I wanted to be sure I did both before he left Texas. I called our vet to ask about costs. Michael, understandably, wanted to pursue a lower-than-full-cost option. (He’s a tour guide so, like me, hasn’t had income due to the dramatic effect of the pandemic on travel.) My sweet husband overheard me calling low cost neuter clinics and immediately said that we would just pay for the neuter ourselves. He didn’t want Tex to go to anyone but the person to whom we entrust our own dogs.

Michael started looking into how to get Tex to New York. He wasn’t terribly excited about shipping such a small dog in the heat of the summer. Also, since we had him neutered he couldn’t have traveled by plane for a week after the surgery. So, Michael decided it was time for a road trip. Our plan was for me to meet him in Durant Oklahoma for the hand off because New York was enforcing a 14 day quarantine for anyone traveling there from Texas.

Meanwhile, Tex was working his way further and further into our hearts.

The night before the scheduled handoff, Michael called me and told me that New York had just added Oklahoma to the list of quarantine places. Ugh. So, the plan was just to drive to my office, just do a quick handoff, immediately leave, and never get out of the car in Texas.

That next afternoon, Michael pulled up at the office and I handed Tex over to him. Tex seemed to know that Michael was his family and greeted him accordingly. Off they went with a piece of my heart.

Saying goodbye to Tex was incredibly difficult. Watching my family say goodbye to Tex was even harder. My sweet husband pulled me aside after T left and asked me to please not get in the habit of doing that. Saying goodbye was too hard. We had this dog for 8 days and my big tough husband has such a squishy heart that he could barely take it.

Now I watch Tex (who has since been renamed “Travel”, so I’ll refer to him as “T”) via Facebook posts and I’m excited to be able to see him whenever we are allowed to travel to New York again. He is much beloved. He is refusing to be trained to pee pee pads and instead prefers Michael to take him outside. (Good boy, T!) He loves his Dad and his life in New York.

The year 2020 has been challenging. (Can I get an amen?) I have had a couple of experiences, though, that I want to record because I want to always remember that even in the midst of so much that is wrong, there is beauty. I’ll write about the first of them today.

The first was my friend Dollye. Where do I start about Dollye? Dollye is a precious precious woman who I know because we are both in the travel industry in Dallas. She was the most loyal friend. A dear person who would lay across train tracks for you. Dollye loved her friends and her dogs.

One of my favorite Dollye memories was from when we used to always watch Independence Day fireworks in the parking lot of her travel agency. Her office was right next to where the fireworks were launched, so it was an amazing view. We would always set out traffic cones to block off the parking lot so kids could play without having to worry about cars going by. One of my favorite Dollye memories was every inch of her five feet walking straight toward a pick up truck that was driving straight at her, staring down the driver and insisting he turn around and not drive through the blocked off area. (The pickup turned around.) Dollye was always brave and bold. A proud native Texan.

Dollye was an only child whose parents had long passed, and a widow. She had no close family. She lived alone with her three Great Danes. But, she had wonderful friends. I don’t think she was ever alone on a holiday (unless she wanted to be). She would zip around town in her little silver Mercedes convertable. She was busy remodeling her home exactly to her tastes. She was showing her dogs. She was still working in the travel industry.

Then, last summer she went to the doctor to try to figure out a pain in her belly. Tragically, it turned out to be Pancreatic Cancer.

She had her first surgery right away to help her liver drain. Then they sent her home to recover until she was strong enough to have a whipple where they would remove the primary tumor. She had the second surgery on August 9, 2019. After that she was supposed to have chemotherapy to reduce or eliminate any cancer cells that may have traveled elsewhere in her body. As it turned out, she didn’t tolerate chemo at all. It took her a long time to recover from the one chemo round she had. She ended up septic in the hospital at one point because her white blood cells were down to zero. It was a rough road. She and her oncologist agreed that the chemo was not an option for her.

In January, she started hurting again. Of course, the tumor was back. We went back to oncologist. Another CT scan. The news wasn’t good. The doctor referred her to hospice.

Dollye was with us six more weeks after that doctor visit. During those six weeks, Dollye’s friends from all parts of her life came together and functioned as a team to provide whatever she needed. We had get togethers. We had work days. We met with the hospice people. We discussed with Dollye what she wanted as things progressed. We helped her redo her will. We made sure the dogs were taken care of.

The day came when she called me at the office and said “I don’t think I can be alone any more.” (Up until that point we were there often, but not overnight. Dollye liked her independence and was able to be alone still.) I got up from my desk, drove to her house and she was never alone again. Not one moment.

We had people with her 24 hours a day, every single day until she passed two weeks later. People slept over every night with one ear open for anything she needed. Her personal needs were attended to with love and care. Originallly she had said that she would want to move to inpatient hospice when the time came that she couldn’t be at her house any more. But, that time never came. She got to live out her life in the home that she loved, surrounded by her beloved dogs.

When I think of it now, I’m still overwhelmed with gratitude for each of these (mostly) women. There were a couple of gentlemen..but it was mostly women. People set aside their lives and comfort for our friend. If you’ve never cared for someone during their final days, you might not realize the personal nature of some of the things that need to be done. Everyone just did what needed doing. It was beautiful to be a part of. I will forever be grateful for Dollye’s life, her friendship, and the incredible privilege to be a part of her final days.